Whether playing online playing for money or free poker can be a rewarding, but a tiring addiction. So here are a few simple (tongue in cheek!) tips to keep you playing for as long as possible.
1. Once prefrontal lobe pressure has built up due too an excess of wishing on the river, nip to the kitchen and grab the nearest tea cosy and place it on your head. This will disperse the pressure around your skull, as well as keep you warm.
2. When playing Online Poker on a laptop. If you become worried that your unmentionables are beginning to cook, ask your partner if they would kneel in front of you and gently blow between your thighs. They will also make a handy footrest.
Alternately wrap yourself up in Tin Foil to reflect the heat. This will also stop any evil aliens sending you messages.
3. When suffering finger cramp from obsessive bluffing, swap hands and rest your playing finger in a pot of low fat yoghurt. Allow five minutes to soothe then continue. Eat yoghurt at a later date.
4. During the long games with a full table you might feel like you are going to nod off. Bang a nail in the wall behind your playing chair and attach a length of string to it. Sellotape the string to your ear. That way if you do nod off, you will rip your ear off. Waking you up ready to make a bet.
5. If after a couple of days playing non stop you begin to experience back pains, repeatedly pinch both your cheeks, this will take the focus off you back, as well as give you a rosy glow.
These methods have been invented by myself and I can assure you no women, child or animal has been harmed in making these!
Always remember free poker is always a laugh but when you get online exhaustion you need to take some serious action.
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